So, how DO you make a career out of something where the majority of the target working population within that industry only has a lifespan of 6 months to a year? I mean, really, for all intents and purposes, pornstars have a career lifespan that can rival an insect. But why is that? Why do people get into such a fast paced lifestyle and soul (and body) baring employment, only to drop out after, at most, a year’s pursuance?
Two things: lack of substance and lack of support.
Lack of substance: the moral fiber of your soul and the tenacity of your spirit must be strong enough to stand on your own two feet, both when the hoards love and adore you, but also when they despise you. In the end, the crowds could care less about who you are or what you have done, but rather they go with the flow of loving charisma, popularity, charm and beauty. They are ultimately fickle, and no matter what they are saying or doing, it should not sway who you are inside. Hold onto the individuality of your own self and don’t sell out to make people smile. Pornstars are just like any other exhibitionist and actor or actress; a performer who is willing to display themselves for the pleasure of others, thus feeding some elusive desire to be adored and gain approval, but to truly survive the tides of time as a pornstar… to cultivate a vocation where you can grow and excel, you have to temper the need to appease everyone and find the place within your own self to have the strength to put your foot down and say, “No, I don’t feel comfortable doing or saying that.” or “I think it would look better if I did this.” instead of always selling out and in the end, draining yourself of your own being. This is the foothold that the followers of certain radicals (cough, Shelly Rubin, cough) hold on to to say that porn ruins lives by “forcing us to do things we don’t want to do” or “ruin our lives by subjecting ourselves to mistreatment.” I believe that is all complete rubbish because the individuals who hide behind that sort of thinking are weak and look for someone to blame for their shortcomings. Porn is not a worthy scapegoat for one’s feelings of being worthless or having been used.
Know yourself. Know your limitations. Don’t waiver from your realm of acceptability and know your path, and you will continue to walk it until you reach your destination.
Lack of Support: one must surround themselves with people who will watch over you and also hold you accountable for your actions. This is so important for the young girls who get into the industry and get carried away by the instantaneous fame and fortune that can suddenly appear before their eyes. How do you stay straight when late nights, partying, worrying about staying thin, and mound of stress come at you all at once and you must be the CEO of your own body? You have to have a reason to not divulge in unbecoming behavior. You must have an accountability partner to answer to if you fuck up and you must have someone there to catch you if you do make a mistake. One must immediately create a network of friends and “family” so that we can all pull together if there is a need or an issue that must be addressed.
Do you know that “birds of a feather” saying? It is more true than you could possibly imagine within the porn industry. If you hang out with junkies and partiers, you will become a junkie and a partier. If you hang out with business people and career minded pornographic professionals, you will become a business and career minded porn professional. There is no other job in the world that is as easy to slip into with the similar monetary rewards as the ‘take off your clothes for money’ business, and with that, the viable population of employees can range from college degrees to elementary school dropouts. You can: not speak of lick of English, be fat, be thin, be hairy, be old or just turned 18 and more to do this job so it is no wonder that the eclectic melting pot of pornographic entrepreneurs is nothing but a worldly scoop of human beings all put together to fuck each other on camera.
All this to say, choose your friends wisely. They are the ones who will make sure that you succeed and survive in this world or drag you down into failure with them.